Can you hear me now?

Well, it took three tries, but—hooray!—I finally passed my hearing test in both ears. When they did my hearing test the day I left the hospital, I passed in the right ear. But because I had fluid in my ears from the antibiotics and some wax buildup (thanks, Mom and Dad!), I had problems with the left ear test, and had to go back to the hospital twice for retests. So remember, I can hear you loud and clear, but I reserve the right to ignore you at my discretion.


On Sunday I helped Dad celebrate his first Father’s Day. I gave him a Father’s Day card (some of the letters were backwards, but I wrote it all by myself!), and Mom got him a silver picture frame, engraved with my name, with one of my cutest photos in it. Grandma, Grandpa, Babcia, Dido and Aunt Jess came over for a barbeque, and I spent all day being pampered by them. At one point, all five visitors huddled over my bassinet and watched me sleep for an hour. Lots of excitement! That night, just as Father’s Day was winding down, I also made sure to leave Dad an extra special Father’s Day present in my diaper.


Ah yes, my dreaded diaper changes. Without getting too graphic, let’s just say that I’ve elevated the proceedings to a whole new, scary (and, too bad for Mom and Dad, no longer odor-free) level.

Until now, they never knew what to expect at my changing, but lately I’ve been spending a good 15 minutes or so (once or twice a day) grunting and scrunching up my face, so they have an inkling of the toxic horrors that await. Yesterday morning, I woke Mom and Dad up at 6:30 with a spirited round of intense grunting. I heard them laughing at me, but they weren’t laughing when they had to change my diaper a few minutes later!

Dad has been back to work now for a whole week, and I’ve been giving Mom a run for her money. First, I lulled her into false sense of security as she kept reading that babies my age should sleep about 16 hours a day. Ha! Instead, I’m pretty much staying up the whole day – from time to time I’ll fall asleep in her arms, but if I catch her putting me down, or in the swing, then I let her have it! Dad and Mom say I’m a walking time bomb: pull the pin (i.e. take out my pacifier, which I sometimes do myself), and watch me explode! That means that Mom can’t get all that much done during the day, until Dad comes home to take me off of her hands. When he gets home, Dad takes me until my 11 pm/midnight feeding while Mom sleeps for a few hours (she hasn’t been making it much past 10), then he goes to bed and Mom takes the early morning feedings so Dad isn’t a complete zombie when he goes to work (instead, he’s only a half-zombie). In the morning, Dad gets up early so he can look after me for a good 30-45 minutes while Mom showers and eats breakfast. Then he leaves for work right around the time that I start crying for the day. Sorry, Mom!


I’ll get to the Ask Julia questions a little later in the week, but the pickings are slim right now, so I’m hoping that you’ll send along a few additional queries for me before then. I’m very opinionated and have a lot to say (hey, there’s more to me than just looking cute and crying all day, you know!), so be sure to shoot me a question or two.

Ask Julia: 6/15/07

Before we get to the Ask Julia questions, a few brief updates:

• Mom and I are doing just fine, now that Dad has gone back to work and left us to fend for ourselves during the day. We’re living feeding-to-feeding for right now, which is okay, because I’m still being fussy. Lately, I’m burning through more gas than a Hummer, and pull the occasional Exorcist after feedings. After talking to the doctor, we’re switching me over to a new lactose-free formula, which Mom and Dad hope will alleviate my gassiness and fussiness.


• If you think I look like I’m getting a little big for my britches, well, you’re right! At my doctor’s visit on Wednesday, I learned that I’ve crossed over into double digits on the scale: I’m now 10 lbs. 3 1/2 oz.! I’ve also sprouted up to 22 inches. Mom’s reaction was “Great, now she’s tall enough to go into the Baby Bjorn!” The doctor says I’m healthy and active, and if he’s happy, then we’re happy.

• Forgot to mention in my last posting that Mom and Dad slipped out last Saturday afternoon for their first “date” since my birth. They went to see Ocean’s Thirteen at the theater in town, and Babcia watched over me. Mom was nervous all morning, and kept asking Dad if they should cancel their plans. But he convinced her to go, and even though she kept asking him if I was okay during the whole movie, afterward she admitted that she was glad they went. Now she feels better about leaving me with Babcia (who did a nice job with my feeding and changing) if she wants to run some errands or go out on another date with Dad.

And now, at long last, on to this week’s edition of Ask Julia. All of the questions come courtesy of my Great Aunt Rebecca in Houston (from here on in, I’ll be dropping the “Great” and everyone will just be Aunt and Uncle. They’re all great, but it just feels weird calling them “Great,” know what I mean?). Here we go:


First of all, what do you think about Roger Clemens joining up with the Yankees? Will he be able to make a difference, and will the Yankees be in the playoffs this year?
That’s a slightly loaded question: Aunt Rebecca is a fan of the Houston Astros, where Clemens played the last three seasons. I’m really happy to see Clemens back here – he seems like a great fit for the team, and his presence gives everyone a good kick in the butt. I think he’ll win 10 games, assuming his “fatigued groin” (whatever that means) holds up. I do think the Yanks will make the playoffs, but unless the Red Sox stumble, it will likely be as a wild card team.

But I certainly don’t credit Clemens for the team’s sudden return to form. Dad has been going on about how the team is finally gelling now that Melky is playing regularly in center, the defensively-challenged Damon is DHing and (most importantly) Jason Giambi – Dad says he’s the worst free agent signing in Yankee history – is on the DL and nowhere to be seen. But I know the real secret to their success: ME! Ever since I started watching games regularly with Dad (starting with the May 30 game at Toronto series the first weekend in June), the team has gone an astounding 12-2, winning 9 games in a row. No need to thank me, but I wouldn’t mind getting some love from George Steinbrenner, or better yet, Derek Jeter.

What is your favorite outfit in your wardrobe? Why?
I don’t have a favorite outfit – I look adorable in everything I wear, if I do say so myself. I do, however, have a least favorite outfit: any hat that Mom or Dad tries to put on my head. As you can see, I don’t like them very much.



Which of your parents is better at entertaining you when you're feeling cranky?
That one is a tossup. Dad is more likely to take risks and do crazy things with me: dancing around the house with me, or lifting me high in the air. Mom, however, sings the sweetest songs to me that she makes up on the spot. I’ve been plenty cranky lately, and find that both approaches help calm me down.

What is your favorite toy?
I’m not liking the toys so much lately. After a couple minutes in my swing, or papasan seat, or activity gym, I usually end up crying. But I do have one favorite: the mobile over my changing table. I like listening to it when they change my diapers, and Mom even makes up lyrics to the song and sings them to me. Too bad it only runs for a few minutes, then Mom and Dad have to quickly crank it during the changing, lest I unleash another mood swing.


All terrific questions, Aunt Rebecca, thanks so much. If anyone has any other questions for me, send them along, and I’ll answer them in a future Ask Julia posting.

Dad wants to see other PEOPLE

It’s a very sad day in the Lynch household, because this was my Dad’s last day of paternity leave/vacation. Tomorrow, he heads back to work. I’m going to miss him, and I know he’s really upset about leaving me behind every day, but I’m looking forward to spending all summer with Mom. She’s getting nervous about taking care of me all by herself, but I know she’ll do a great job. She held down the fort yesterday while Dad was out running errands, and she did just fine.

I’m still figuring out exactly what Dad does for a living. He says he works for People – well, of course he works for people, doesn’t everyone work for a person or a group of people? But then he told me he writes for People magazine about movies and celebrities.

He said that he also writes movie reviews, and showed me that his rave review of Knocked Up was excerpted in the film’s newspaper ads and website.




The last few days have been busy. I met a few of Mom and Dad’s friends. I slept soundly during some visits; for others, I was extra cranky (in my defense, it was the only way I could think of to get that newly-married friend of Dad’s to stop hitting on me.).



It’s fun to mix it up. Mom and Dad have been doing a good job keeping up with me. Out of all the stuff they have to do for me, they’re most nervous trimming my nails, which grow into Freddy Krueger claws almost overnight. Whenever I’m asleep, I can sense them trying to get the job done, so I try to wake up and jerk my hands around from time to time. Mom, Dad and I also watched the last episode of The Sopranos on Sunday night (I stopped fussing just long enough for us to watch).

Dad explained that much of the show was shot in and around Montclair; in fact, the restaurant in the last scene, Holsten’s, is just a mile away from Dido and Babcia’s house (in fact, when Dad and Mom were coming back from a Clara Maass childbirth class in April, they had to make a detour around Holsten’s because the Sopranos crew was filming the scene where Meadow was parallel parking).


Dad promised that we’ll go there a lot when I get older. Maybe when we go we can find out if Tony got whacked by that guy who was heading for the bathroom, Godfather-style. But I liked that the ending was open to interpretation: Dad thought it meant that Tony was doomed to a life of always looking over his shoulder, waiting for the inevitable to happen. Mom thought it meant that Meadow got parallel parking lessons from the same person who taught her to drive, and I thought it meant that when I go to Holsten’s, I should definitely order the onion rings, because they look gooood!



Today we had to pick up my birth certificate. I guess that means that I was here illegally until today. Good thing no one tipped off the INS.

Before I sign off, I’m happy to answer the first “Ask Julia” question. This one was sent by Mom and Dad’s friend Jessica (not to be confused with my Aunt Jess). She writes:

I love all your pictures, but really can't tell who you look like. Please inform on your next blog.

Well, the jury is still out on that one. I think I have traits from both parents: I seem to have Dad’s fair skin, and his lone dimple on the left cheek. Also, the newborns on my Dad’s side of the family were all large, so I definitely fall into that camp. Additionally, I really like it when Dad lifts me high up and down (it calms me down during crying fits), so Dad hopes that means I’ll love roller coasters like he does. I have Mom’s nose and cheeks. I also have Mom’s weak veins – in the hospital, both of us had to have IVs reinserted after our veins collapsed.

To make matters even more complicated, additionally, a few people have commented that I seem to have received my lips from Angelina Jolie (does that mean she’s going to adopt me next?). And as you can see from the photo comparison, I’m pretty sure that I somehow got my post-bender demeanor from Lindsay Lohan (see what happens when you try to find answers at the bottom of a bottle?).

You be the judge.




Thanks for the question, Jessica!. Some other good Ask Julia questions have already been sent my way, so I’ll devote my next blog to answering them.

Until then, wish me and Mom luck, now that it’s just the two of us…

Two week's notice

Wow, it’s already two weeks ago today that I was born. I can’t believe it. Time flies when you’re doing nothing but sleeping, eating, pooping and crying.

Dad was in a particularly good mood today, and not just because it was my two-week birthday. After two excruciating years dealing with Comcast cable, today we switched over to Verizon FiOS. He kept telling me how this was going to make his life easier and save us some money. Save us some money? Obviously he thinks my diapers and formula grow on trees. He won’t be having any extra money for a looooong time, especially once he hears about my plans to follow in Mom’s footsteps and go to Yale.


But this blog isn’t about my dad’s happiness, it’s about mine. And today, frankly, I’ve been pretty cranky. I know why, but I’m not telling Mom and Dad. It’s fun watching them trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, not realizing that the answer is right under their nose. After I have my fun crying for a good long while, I suddenly go to sleep without warning. I really like playing head games with them, doing nutty things like hitting myself repeatedly in the head with my arm, just to see how they react. That will teach Dad for making a sleep-deprived mistake and calling me “Madeline” in an email to everyone announcing our email address change. He will pay for that. Oh yes, he will pay.

Speaking of email, if you have a question for me, please write me at julia@juliamadeline.com (for those of you who already have my real address, this email gets forwarded to that account). I might answer your question in a future blog posting.

Dad decided that my oh-so-cute photos on the blog are only telling half the story about my frequent mood swings, so he put together a new slideshow, which he says will give a more realistic view of all the emotions I go through in a typical hour.



That’s it for now. Dad is going back to work on Wednesday, so we’re going to try and make the most of our last few days together.

So long JasonandVera.com!

You know, something has been bugging me. This website is called jasonandvera.com, but it’s all about yours truly. What does a girl have to do to get top billing around here? So I took matters into my own hands, and set up my own domain name. From here on in, if you go to JuliaMadeline.com, you’ll be able to reach me (don’t worry, jasonandvera.com will still point here as well). JuliaMadeline.com – I like the sound of that.


Something else has been bugging me, in fact, pretty much all the rooms at home. For the past month or so, Mom and Dad have noticed some moths around the house. The problem has gotten worse since I got home, so Dad had to call an exterminator. Turns out we had something called a cloth webbing moth, which was originating in our china closet (we don’t know if it was in the wood, or possibly the korovai (ceremonial Ukrainian bread) that we had shellacked from our wedding and placed on top, or some other mystery host.


So today, we had to clear out of our home for a few hours while they sprayed. That meant I got to make my first trip to Babcia and Dido’s house. I also met Mom’s bird, Dante. That bird sure can squawk! And people say I’m loud!


On our way home, we stopped at Applegate’s, the terrific local ice cream shop. Sad to say, Mom and Dad teased me but wouldn’t actually let me have any (something about how I can’t have anything chocolate until I’m 1 – but I think Mom just made that up). However, they promised to take me there lots of times in the future. Consider that a binding contract, Mom and Dad!


But my favorite trip of all so far was the one we took last night to the Presby Memorial Iris Gardens, just a block away from home. Mom and Dad strapped me into my sleek new stroller and we took our first family stroll through the irises, which peaked last week but still look very pretty.

I can’t wait to see where we go next!

Lynch family reunion

There have been many more firsts since we last spoke. I won’t be making it down to North Carolina next month for Dad’s Lynch Family Reunion, but we had our own Lynch Family Reunion right in Montclair – or more accurately, “Lynch Family Union,” because it was the first time I met my Dad’s family. On Saturday, I met my Aunt Jessica and Uncle Ryan, who were so happy to see me. I have a feeling that I’ll be able to convince my Aunt to buy me lots of stylish clothes when I get older.




And my uncle has already promised (threatened?) to buy me toys that make the loudest noises possible, all the better to drive my parents crazy. And I finally got to spend some quality time with my Grandma and Grandpa. I was pretty well behaved, though I decided to show off and give Dad an extra-dirty diaper to deal with, complete with unlimited free refills. I think he changed me three times in two minutes. It doesn’t break my record of four diapers during one changing, but it comes close. Later that day, Babcia and Dido visited, so I got to spend time with all four grandparents.


Also, I’ve been getting to know some things around the house. I love my swing, and can often fall asleep in it. When we’re out on the porch, Mom and Dad often put me in my baby papasan seat. I really like looking at lights and taking in the world.


A couple times a day, a nice UPS man comes to the door and brings all sorts of fun presents for me. I’ve received so many nice clothes, cards and other items. It’s so nice to know that so many people are happy for me, and for my parents. I can’t wait to meet all of them!

I’m staying awake longer, and fussing a bit more. When they’ve exhausted their options, Mom and Dad give me a pacifier, which usually does the trick. I suck on my pacifier like I suck on my bottle: vigorously and loudly. My Dad says I sound like Maggie Simpson.


Other stuff has been going on. Dad has been getting quite used to wearing my spit-up, among other bodily fluids. He says I excel at both accuracy and distance. During my feedings and diaper changes, he acts like some forensics person from CSI, trying to predict my possible “splatter patterns” and making sure all the bases are covered. Silly Dad, don’t you realize that resistance is futile?

It's been...one week since you looked at me

How time does fly – I was born a week ago right at this moment!

Mom and Dad make a good team. They’ve been teaming up for my diaper changes and feedings, and have been trading shifts at night in between feedings, to look after me in case I get fussy. I’ve been taking pity on my Mom since she went through so much with the pregnancy, so I’ve been sleeping soundly during her shifts and keeping Dad up. He’ll survive. Also, Mom is finding it tough to support me on her right shoulder, which has been hurting since the surgery – her and Dad have been joking about her “bum” shoulder. They’ve been belly laughing a lot, so I’m glad to hear that they’re still in good spirits after all I’ve put them through. I’m also impressed at how good they are at doing things with one hand while holding me with the other: household chores, typing, carrying things around. Nice job, guys.

My feedings are, as always, an emotional roller coaster on my part. I’m so excited to feed that I get really nasty when the bottle is taken away so they can burp me. So I get hysterical and show surprising strength for someone so tiny, until I start feeding again. Then I immediately get peaceful and content. To recap: this model goes 0 to 60 in 0.5 seconds, and back again.


My parents know I’m content with they hear me make a kitty-like meow. At that point, Dad starts signing a line from Bruce Springsteen’s “Kitty’s Back.” They’re always happy to hear that Kitty’s back in town.



I’ve been surprisingly busy for my first few days home. We all went to my pediatrician, Dr. Buchalter, on Wednesday for my first checkup. I passed with flying colors – he even took off my umbilical cord! I was on my best behavior, which made Mom and Dad very happy. Then on Thursday night, Mom and Dad took me to the Baptism instruction class. Everyone in class introduced themselves and their babies, and everyone was impressed that one couple brought their 12-day old. Then Dad spoke up and said I was only six days old – I guess we won. Again, I was pretty well-behaved, even when they showed us that weird Baptism video from the ’70s.



Mom and Dad have been taking my picture a lot since last Friday, as you can expect. In fact, they’ve put together this slideshow, featuring their favorite photos from my first week, so take a look and marvel at how adorable I am!

That’s it for now, because… Kitty’s back!